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Purple Prose

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Passionate jade [Jan. 28th, 2004|06:36 pm]
Purple Prose

purple_prose

[badficparodies]
[mood |boredbored]
[music |"The Wizard and I" ~ Wicked]

Story Title: MarySue Comes to Hogwarts
Author name: Rinnington
Fandom: Harry Potter

The Setup: This is a Mary Sue parody I had reported in my LJ a little while ago.

Sample Passage:

Sample 1:
Suddenly, the doors to the great hall slammed open, and everyone in the Great Hall gasped. It was the most beautiful girl anyone had ever seen. She had skin of sun-kissed ivory, eyes of passionate jade, and hair of shimmering raven. The Hall was filled with her scent of fragrant night- blossom, her robes were of the finest hazy-winter sky colored silk, and in her long, slender ivory fingertips was a broom of shimmering silver.

"Oh, hello, everyone," she said in a voice like a thousand nightingales. Dumbledore smiled warmly, and said, "May I present our new American exchange student, Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford?" Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford smiled humbly and bowed. Everyone continued staring, awestruck by her beauty reminiscent of a warm spring day. Finally, the silence was broken by someone who said, "Cool broom!"

"Why thank you!" said Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford. "It's the new Silverbolt 3000, the fastest broom in the world. I designed it when all of the players on the Silver Arrows came down with a case of the measles. I also nursed them back to health." She laughed, and her laugh sounded like a thousand tinkling silver bells. "Anyways, sorry I'm late. I had to stop on my way to save Sirius from his untimely death."

Sample 2:
Now, let's sort our new exchange student, shall we?" Said Dumbledore brightly. Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford trounced up happily to the Sorting hat with a grace befitting a swan. She pulled the hat over her curls of abundant obsidian. She wasn't there for long, when the hat suddenly shrieked.

"I've never seen anything like it! She has qualities that surpass those of all four founders! Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford, it is beyond my skill to sort you. How about you just join every house and choose from day to day."

"Okay," said Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford with her voice of bubbling glacial waters. Then, with her lioness-like grace, she trounced over to the Gryffindor table and sat down in between Harry and Ron, shoving Hermione out of the way. Instantly, Harry and Ron got into a fistfight over who was allowed the pass her the sweet potatoes.

(In addition to "shimmering raven" and "curls of abundant obsidian," her hair is described as "luxurious midnight" and "shimmering licorice." And in the third chapter, her voice is like "soft-serve low fat frozen yoghurt.")

Notes: It doesn't matter to me if it's from a parody or a serious fic, descriptions like these always make me laugh. And "passionate jade" is one of my favorite descriptions of eyes.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: starherd
2004-01-31 09:48 am (UTC)
> her voice is like "soft-serve low fat frozen yoghurt."

Bless you... I just had a really rough week, and this line made me literally laugh out loud.

That's Bulwher-Lytton contest quality, that is. :-D
(Reply) (Thread)
From: (Anonymous)
2005-02-08 06:47 pm (UTC)
YAAAAY!!! I love it!!! She is the PERFECT parody of a Sue!!!
(Reply) (Thread)